Why Do I Keep Yelling At My Kids?
Shelby Tuttle • July 9, 2025
If you've ever ended the day thinking
"Why do I keep yelling?"
- you're not alone. As a parent coach, I work with moms and couples who deeply love their children but find themselves stuck in a cycle of yelling, guilt, and overwhelm.
Let's talk about why this happens - and what you can start doing about it.
You're Not Broken- You're Dysregulated
Yelling usually isn't about your child - it's about your nervous system being on overdrive. When you're touched out, sleep-deprived, overstimulated, and constantly on alert - your body starts to treat everyday challenges like emergencies.
Even something like whining or spilled juice can trigger a full-blown stress response.
You're not snapping out of no where.
You're reacting the way a body reacts when it's in fight-or-flight mode.
This isn't bad parenting.
This is your body saying, "I don't feel safe - I need to defend myself."
The yelling is a symptom, not the root issue.
Mom Guilt Keeps the Cycle Going
After the yelling comes the guilt. You replay the moment in your head. You can see the look on your child's face. You start to spiral:
- "I'm ruining my kid."
-"I always mess up."
-"I'll never get this right."
And the guilt is so heavy that you apologize without holding your boundary - or try to make up for it by giving in, over-explaining, or trying to erase the rupture.
This leads to resentment, more dysregulation...and then the next blow-up.
It is a CYCLE that makes you feel like you're always failing.
The Real Trigger Isn't the Behavior
Here is something I talk about often with the moms I coach:
**Your child's behavior isn't always what's really triggering you**
Sometimes, it's not the act of yelling "NO!"
It's how that
tone feels like rejection, disrespect, or abandonment - especially if you never got to express big emotions safely as a child.
That is what makes it sting so deeply.
It's not just about today's
meltdown. It's about the wound
underneath. '
You're Not Failing - You're Missing Support
You don't need More Pinterest scripts. Or another behavior chart.
You need real support - someone who helps you understand your nervous system, brake, inherited patterns, and rebuild your responses with intention.
You need real support - someone who helps you understand your nervous system, brake, inherited patterns, and rebuild your responses with intention.
You mean someone who sees you, not just your parenting strategies.
That's where I come in.
So What Can You Do Today?
Here are a few small shifts that create big change:
1. Name what is happening - "I feel heat rising in my chest - I'm about to yell."
2. Use a pause statement - " I need a second so I don't yell. I'll be back in a minute."
3. Start Getting Curious, Not Critical - "What part of me felt threatened? What was I really reacting to?"
This kind of reflection builds your self-awareness muscle - and that's what transforms reactive patterns.
Final Thoughts
You're not too far gone.
You're not the only one.
You're just a mom who cares deeply - and is stuck in a pattern that's louder than your values.
But it can change. And it starts with connection, not shame.
Ready for Real Change?
If you're tired of yelling, tired of guilt, and ready to feel calm, grounded, and confident in your parenting - I'd love to support you.
Click this link to work with me by emailing me what you are going through - Let's break the cycle together
xoxo-
Shelby
If you feel like simply getting out the door on time (tie your shoes… where’s your coat… do you have your lunch??) is a battle, the reality is that you are locked in a power struggle with your child.